Flossing Pep-Talks

Me: *yelling in a stern 'man' voice. Attempting to sound like a coach. "Come on Shepherd!" "You can do it!" "I know you can floss better than that!" "You gotta dig deep, man! DEEP!"
Him: *just simply continuing to floss as if the arms of a woman were not wrapped around his middle and she was not yelling in his ears. Occasionally smiling or shaking his head and laughing at the nonsense.

This is happiness. This is what my life has consisted of for several months now. Pure. Simple. Happiness. Happiness (for me anyways) is being able to be my complete self around other people without fear of losing their affection. Even if that self consists of messy hair, loud laughs, extremely silly faces, and wild imagination! With the man I call my best friend, I am able to be as much of myself as I can!

My best friend is named Michael Shepherd. He is a monster of a man in size, mind, and heart! His wisdom far exceeds mine (for which I am SO grateful!) and he regularly uses that wisdom to lead and direct me. This man has known me since I was 14 years old...and for some reason he's still around. My relationship with this man has definitely been a testament to God's goodness and blessing in my life.
When I was the age of 16, dear Michael and I attempted to be in a relationship....I say attempted because I was a total brat to him and immaturity abounded. We then went through an awkward, avoidance stage where we knew of each other's existence yet didn't care and didn't quite know how to act around each other. To be honest, I don't remember that stage at all! I was so annoyed with him that I have removed those years from my memory. But anyway, by the grace and goodness of God, he and I reconnected several months ago and decided to begin a relationship. Thankfully I had changed since my 16 year old self and we both had had to be adults. Now, being seniors in college and somewhat having our lives together (Ha. Ha. Ha.), we are attempting to do life side-by-side. It has been the biggest blessing in my life! Everything is an adventure with him, and it is so happy to have known each other for so long and to see the growth and maturity and the life experience. There is so much more to the man I completely blew off 5 years ago. I am learning something new about him each day I get to be a part of his life.
Every once in a while it hits me that this is the guy I grew up with all those years ago. I am floored at how much we've changed, yet stayed the same. The qualities that attracted me to him in the beginning have grown and developed in amazing ways.

This amazes me. To be with someone I never would have thought about dating. His love amazes me. He overwhelms me with Christlike love and selflessness. He loves me for my wild woman self (as mentioned earlier). He loves me when I purposefully sing off key (very loudly), when I snore while napping, when I put my cold hands on his back to warm them, and when I make the most horrendous faces! He considers me beautiful even on my worst days. He holds me and lets me cry when I need it (even if he has no clue why I'm crying). This man amazes me.

So, all this to say, my life has taken an unexpected turn and I couldn't be happier! I love everything about this new turn, from the flossing pep-talks to the romantic stargazing adventures. Each day is another adventure I get to share with an excellent human being! I am excited to see where this turn ends up and how many more adventures can be shared with my best friend.

James 1:17

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow cast from turning."

Some of my good and perfect gifts from the Lord are my friends. The people I've chosen to do life with. The people who see me as I am and love me anyway.
With my birthday approaching (tomorrow), I have been constantly reminded of how blessed I am by the people in my life. There are no words to describe the joy and adventure my people bring. I am in a constant state of awe when I spend time with them.

They are CRAZY: making me laugh constantly with their wit and humor!!!!

They are kindred spirits: with their dramatic natures and lust for adventure.

They are Life Long: always there whenever called upon. 

These are just a few of my people. The ones I claim as best friends. The ones I open myself up to and allow the chance to see the real me. The ones who party hard, play hard, work hard, and cry hard. The ones I can always count on. I thank God for my people each and every day, because I know they are gifts from Him and Him alone. Every good and perfect gift. 

I am blessed by my good and perfect gifts. Blessed more than I can say. 

Thank y'all for sticking by me all these wild years. The memories we've made will last forever. 

Parlez-vous française?

Oui, je parle en français très bien. J'écoute française et connais le français tout le temps. J'aime le française!!!!

French. The language that I love. The blood that runs through my veins. The culture I'm obsessed with.

I love all things France, and if you hang around me for too long, that will be quite evident! I have been obsessed with France and the culture and the language ever since I fully understood my French heritage. My dad's family is French (french Canadian, but still). I am named after my French great-grandmothers Juliette and Anna (Julia Anne). Because of this rich family history, I have decided to implement French culture into my life and one day my home. I have fallen in love with this fascinating language and culture and could spend all my life studying it!

To help me become fluent in this wonderful language, I have begun to teach French to High School students in my former homeschool group!!! I've done it folks! I have found my joy in life. I have found my element. I have found what I am made for: teaching French. I cannot express the joy and excitement that fills me when I get to teach the language I'm in love with! It is the most amazing thing in the world! I know for a fact that teaching French will be the thing that gets me through this semester.

I am thankful to have such rich family history in French. I am thankful to have fallen so easily in love with the language and culture of my ancestors. I am thankful for the opportunity to grow in my knowledge of French.

My future family should be warned that I will be teaching my future children French, that we will eat French meals, and that I will implement LOTS of French culture.... :)

Camp lessons

Spending all your time investing in girls is challenging. But, the reward of seeing those girls come to a deeper understanding of Christ and His love is worth all the long nights, tears, braiding hair, and exhaustion! My summer consisted of spending 5 (15+ hour) days with 14 girls ages 8-10. Each week I was placed in charge of 14 new girls with new problems and new challenges. I definitely had my need for variety filled this summer.
With every new batch of campers, my cabinmate and I prayed for true understanding and wisdom. We have dealt with many heartbreaking situations that girls that young should never go through. But they do. At times, I felt unneeded or like my life struggles could never be used to help a camper. I truly began to feel second-rate compared to my cabinmate who always knew what to say to a girl struggling. For several weeks, our campers preferred to talk with her instead of me. I began to question my abilities and calling to even be a counselor at camp. Then, one night (our last night with the girls), a camper asked to talk to me. We sat out on the front porch and she began to describe situations in her life that I had dealt with 3 and 7 years ago! She began crying as she continued talking about how invisible, alone, unheard, and ignored she felt. I was BLOWN AWAY. I have journal entries from 3 years ago when I felt EXACTLY the same as this camper. It was as if I was talking with myself. The words that came from her mouth are written in that journal. I began to cry with her as I explained that I knew just how she was feeling. I pulled out my Bible and showed her Scriptures that I clung to in my time of struggle. The next morning, she ran to me and asked for those references. She had a smile on her face and told me that she felt comfort knowing she wasn't alone.

Now, I for one had NO idea the LORD would use me feeling friendless, unheard, and invisible at my school and in my home to reach a camper this summer. When I went through that time in my life, all I could see was my own plight. It truly never crossed my mind that the LORD could/would use it for anything. Ha ha. Silly me. God uses EVERYTHING to work together for our good (Romans 8:28). I saw it as such a dark and hopeless time in my life, but the LORD knew I needed to walk through that to help this girl who was feeling the same way. I have NEVER been more thankful to walk through a trial in my life! Now I understand what James was talking about in the first chapter of his book! "Consider it all joy my brothers whenever you experience various trials." Consider it all. Everything. All the bad, painful, hard, and exhausting. That camper helped to change my perspective on trials and helped me understand what James meant. Don't just look at your trials like I had done: poor miserable me. Look at the trials as a time of joy! Knowing that God is going to use them in some amazing, God way!

As for feeling second-rate. I have struggled with that for SO long. I'm not sure how many of you know this, but it is not easy growing up with a younger sister who is like Ende. The make-up perfectionist, the athlete (can beat your booty at any sport), crazy wise about all aspects of life, fearless, blonde, fit/trim, and a fashionista! She is absolutely amazing and I would never trade our relationship for anything. But, there have been countless times I've compared myself to her and been disappointed. Being the oldest, I felt entitled many times...entitled to the beauty, wisdom, skills. Again, silly me. I would be genuinely hurt when Ende was noticed first in social settings. I always felt like part of the background. I felt like everyone's second choice. Like the crumpled cookie that no one wants but there are no brownies left. (or something like that)
This summer, God changed my perspective about myself (something that is not easy mind you). The Sunday night before our first batch of campers, God began to rip away all the bitterness, anger, and frustration I had been letting wrap around my heart. I always thought I had let go of all those things. But boy was I wrong. It was a painful thing to let God tear them from my heart, but it was so liberating! I sat in tears as He continued to clean my heart. I began to wrestle with Him as He poked the hatred I had for myself. The lies I had always believed wrapped themselves tighter around my heart. I cried out louder with even more tears. Then, God's truth, like a gentle breeze, began to wash over me. "You are not junk. You are made in My image. You are worth My (the Creator of the universe) life because that is what I was willing to pay for you. I do not make worthless things." Over and over again those words washed over me. I felt myself letting go of all the pain and hatred. How could I call something ugly and worthless that God was willing to die for? Finally, after years of 'giving' God my bitterness, anger, hatred, and frustration, I was free of them all. I am not second-rate, no matter what people say. I was loved so much by the Creator of the universe that He died (really died) for me. That right there is proof that I am not junk. I am a worthy daughter of the Most High. I am paid for by the Creator of the universe.

If I've learned anything this summer, it's that camp is exhausting. But, God is amazing. He sustains, renews, cleans. This God I serve is faithful. He is a good Father who disciplines His children when they need it most. He knew I could not tell those girls how valued and loved they were if I did not believe it about myself first. His ways are good and true no matter how challenging!

When Life....

So, when life gives you lemons I've heard that people put them in their sweet tea, make lemonade, or throw them at others. I for one, have had lots of "lemons" given to me lately. And I can assuredly say that I have not thrown them at anyone...I've tried to, though.
When situations become too much for the human body, mind, and spirit to bear, it is easy to want to and try to throw our lemons at others. Hurting people hurt people. It's a fact. Plain and simple. However, this summer (with all of its lemons) has taught me so many lessons that will NEVER leave me. One of them has been to earnestly seek [active verb] truth (like real Jesus TRUTH) in every situation. No matter how bitter and sour the lemons are, one thing always remains, TRUTH. Jesus said He is the Truth. Jesus is unchanging. He is forever. Truth is forever. Training myself to seek truth out (and not just wait for it to come to me) has been super tough, but it is a lesson I will value always. I have had to preach the truth to myself over and over and over to store it in my thick skull. I still have moments throughout the day when I take the time to speak truth (TRUTH) to myself about myself. It is imperative that we believe and speak the truth to ourselves.
Another lesson (the last one I'll share for now) has been that the LORD is the One who has/can/will always KEEP HIS PROMISES. When everyone around you (a bunch of imperfect people) fail at keeping their promises, it hurts like crazy. Yet, there is One above this earth and the troubles this world affords. He is not of this place. His promises are so SURE. They stick for generations. He is never thrown off guard by the lemons in your life (even when they blindside you). He promised to take care of His children. Praise the LORD that promise still stands! Praise the LORD that He is never at fault! Praise the LORD that in a world of chaos and uncertainty there is a God who keeps all His promises (even to untrustworthy people)! When the ground around you is shaking and the lemons are just too much for you to deal with, God keeps His promises. His Word rings true...even in 2016.

So, when life gives me lemons, I remind myself that it's not the end of the world (truth) and that my God has promised to take care of His children. And since I am a precious, worthy (another lesson...I'll share it later) daughter of the Most High, I am going to be taken care of no matter how vicious my lemons happen to be.

Cody Horse

So, when I was able to ride horses for Mississippi College, I became instantly attached to Cody Horse. He was soft. Softer than any other horse. Before and after every ride, he rubbed his head on my tummy and looked at me with his big brown eyes. He always wanted to be near me. He would fuss like crazy when I would leave him to put the tack away. I called him my 'man' and would kiss his velvet nose often. He had the strangest trot of all the horses and no one else could stay controlled when trotting with him. Even when other riders rode him, he would try to get close to me. I sneaked him hay whenever I got the chance. There was a hill that led up to his stable. He and I would always race up it together. I would run hard and he would gracefully trot up it. His sensitivity with the bit in his mouth, taught me how to carefully maneuver him with strict discipline. All the other horses required crops and force to make them move, but Cody Horse simply needed sharp orders with gentle hands. He was forgiving when after not riding him for a while I messed up on giving orders. We cantered perfectly together. He listened to my hands and legs. Our jumps were smooth. We trotted around the arena beautifully and would both be dripping in sweat afterwards. He loved getting wet in the hose after a hard ride. He was tall, really tall. He taught me so much about discipline and about my limits. When I would be exhausted in the middle of a ride, he would turn his head around to look at me. He nuzzled my shoes when  I let him take a breather. We worked so well together. It was an amazing time in my life. I would go to the barn and prepare for my lesson. Then, I would go get Cody Horse from his stall. We would ride so smoothly and focused. Whatever I was stressing about before, disappeared when I got onto his back. He was my most favorite horse to work with. I truly cannot wait to get back into riding and hopefully work with him again soon! 

FAMILY

No matter how angry, frustrated, or annoyed you may get with your family, they were put in your life for a reason: to love you.
Recently I have been blatantly reminded of that fact. The people I share daily life with are the most important thing to me. I am not always so appreciative.

My world crumbled recently. I have no job and won't have one for another week. Without school hogging up my time, I have lapsed into apathy and misery. I should be rejoicing about my freedom, but some days I don't even want to leave my bed. I have let things slide. I no longer look at each day as an adventure, but look at them as times of torment. My mental and emotional states have been emaciated by my own hand. I have let my discipline disappear and my drive for reading the Word and knowing my Maker has left. Not only is it physically painful to rise from my bed each morning, but it is a mental and emotional challenge. I have allowed myself to waller around in my pitiful state of 'poor me'. I pushed everyone away from me and was on the brink of alienating myself from my family, until God began to (once again) draw me back to Himself.

My family, the people I see all day every day, have loved me through this. They have said 'I love you', even when everything I said to them was 'I don't love anyone'. My mother, (oh what a blessed child I am) has stayed up late helping me work through things and talk and cry and be mad. She has graciously allowed me to feel all the emotions I need to. The woman is a super hero. She is what I strive to be like. Dedicated to her children even when she feels hurt by them. My mother has risen every day and come to my room to check on me. She has let me sleep days away and has prodded me (gently) to rise and get outside on other days. She has noticed my growth and progress and encouraged me, and has held me when I relapse. No matter how much I tried to push her away, she was right where I left her. Just waiting for me to come back and let her help me. She is always there to talk me down from my cliff and ease my troubled mind. I have always been able to tell her everything. EVERYTHING. She makes talking to her easy and comfortable. I want to be like that.

My brothers. Those two young wild bulls who make life a wrestling match whenever possible. They have graciously given me space. In their wisdom and maturity, they have chosen to love me even when I hurt them. They are strong men. Men who love their crazy older sister/second mother no matter what. Encouragement.
The sister. The one who has also heard all of my secrets. When I wasn't looking, she acquired the wisdom of a 90 year old woman and speaks with such insight. She speaks truth about every situation. I have always treated her like the older sister, and the older I get the truer that seems to be. She is much older and wiser in her mental state than I am. She thinks clearly about life and always knows how to encourage right living. She has a child-like fascination and love for our Maker and inspires such in my own life. There is a constant joy that radiates from her that is contagious.
Last, my father. A strong, committed, dedicated man. One who wants the very best for each of his children. One who desires excellence. I know he loves me by his care and provision. He is steady and is sure. His biblical knowledge is extensive and he always knows what passage to direct you to when you are struggling.

These 5 people that I live with. They are amazing. They are resilient. They are loving. Our relationships take a lot of flack (because of me recently) and yet, we always come back to the basics of loving each other. They go out of there way to let me know they are here for me. I regret not appreciating them sooner. Not realizing how amazing the people are that I get to do life with. Even in my worst times, they are there. They are what are most important to me.

gray skies

Personally I enjoy gray weather. It accentuates the vibrant colors of the earth and gives the atmosphere a feeling of tranquility. I love when the sky is one shade; when the clouds meld together to form a blanket. Gray days inspire me to write. 
And so, write I shall! 
There comes a time in everyone's life when gray skies affect more than just the physical. A time when gray is an adjective used to describe their whole existence. These times vary in length and appearance depending on the person. Many people don't know what to do to change the cycle of gray. They look for relief in lots of places and try to artificially create sunshine to remove the bleakness. 
Gray days may be hard to deal with. They may be frustrating and sap your strength. But, I see gray days as time for reflection. A time to take a deep breath and reevaluate your life and how it is unfolding in front of you. Gray days are good for showing you the vibrant blessings in your life or the little things you miss on a day-to-day basis. Taking time to ponder your life and what it's turning out to look like, is essential for living and growing. Just like the earth needs days of rain and storm to flourish and grow, we need times of gray, bleakness to remind us of the Lord's blessings and to help us progress in growth. Without gray days we would never truly appreciate the glorious, sunny days. In James chapter 1 it says that "...the testing of your faith produces endurance." James is encouraging the Christians going through a dispersion to look at life with joy, knowing that gray days bring growth. 
I, for one, know all too well the grip that constant gray (depression) can have on someone. It is something that lingers in the back of my mind and pounces whenever I give it the chance. There are times when I let the gray take over and become apathetic to life and those around me. It is horrible way to live. When I get like that, I lose sight of what James is saying and I choose to stay in my miserable state (which is selfish). It becomes easier to remain in a state of bitterness and gray, than to open my eyes to the beauty around me and the blessings in my life. My heart hardens and it takes a while for the Lord to break me down so I can be built back up. It is painful, yet there are times when I let myself fall into that gray. 
What I have done to battle the times of constant gray is to wake up each morning and write down 10 things I am thankful for. The things that fill my list vary from chopping wood to banana nut muffins. :)  By focusing my mind on the things I've been blessed with each morning, it helps me refocus when a gray day hits. It gives me something to latch onto when the grip of depression tightens. And, making a list gives me a way to look back on what the Lord has blessed me with through the months.

Having a positive perspective on life helps you look at gray days as a time of growth and progress instead of hinderance. 

NOBTS Life: part I

Life is an adventure. A glorious, messy, challenging, fulfilling, wonderful adventure. It is constantly enhanced by the people the Lord puts in our lives. Even though people come and go, they leave a lasting impact on some aspect of our adventure. Growing up on a southern baptist seminary campus in the heart of New Orleans, I became accustomed to people leaving my life. Friendships were painful to form when that friend would leave one or two years later. For a young girl figuring out her life and where she fit into the world, friendships were most important.
Over the 9 years that my family was living on the NOBTS (New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary), I witnessed many families come and go. I vividly remember the "moving parties" all of us children would accidentally throw for families coming or going. We would all congregate around the moving truck and help the strangers tote their things up 2 or 4 flights of stairs. By the time the truck was empty, the new family would have a brief knowledge of the crazy kids who lived on the campus and would by default know the parents. It became a sort of ritual to drop whatever we were doing when a moving truck was seen pulling onto campus and rush to help. Then, when the task was completed, we would resume our adventures as if helping people move was just a normal thing. I suppose growing up in an environment of ministry students who come to the campus for training and can leave at any time made the sight of moving trucks normal.
"Normal". That is not a word I would ever use to describe my childhood in New Orleans. By witnessing people come and go so often, I was exposed to so many exciting perspectives, peoples, and cultures. I remember meeting a newly married couple from the Philippines. I met them by helping them move into their apartment and then baking them some goodies and delivering them to them without my parents even coming with me. Through that connection, my family was able to minister to them when they had their child. We kept their adorable little girl for many hours during the day and her parents taught her to call us family. Loving on that little girl and ministering to that family was one experience that I will never forget. Thinking back on it seems like it happened a hundred years ago.
Another experience that I will never forget was when the planet Mars was coming the closest to earth it had ever been in some crazy number of years. In the dead of night, the seminary was coming to life. My family set up our telescope in a large field where others were doing the same. People arrayed in a myriad of colorful pajamas congregated around the telescopes waiting a turn to look through the amazing inventions and gaze at the night sky. Us children ran and played when we weren't awestruck by the view through the telescope. I got to see Mars. And, I got to meet so many new friends. It seems like something from a dream.
I am so blessed to have had so many different people in my life and to have had the unique experiences I was allowed. Even though I will never encounter many of those people again, I am so thankful for their influence in my life and the times I had with them. My life has been a great adventure and it was shaped by many of the people on the NOBTS!